My Mother the Internet Channel
76My mother is an Internet channel, a broadband information carrier, a guru of desktop navigability. She has no computer, no laptop, no cell phone. Her only hands-on experiences with these technologies are playing computer solitaire at her local senior citizens center and talking on my cell phone, but only if I dial the number for her. Despite her lack of hands-on experience, she is a great information provider about what's on the web, where to find it, how to find it, and what I should do with it.
As Shocking as Four-letter Words
Recently, my mother called to tell me about a possible funding source for women entrepreneurs who want to start new businesses.
She said, "Go to ‘ww' [not ‘www', mind you] dot xxxyyyyzzzz [I don't recall the company's URL] dot c-o-m [she didn't say ‘com', she spelled it out] and scroll down the page and click the green dollar sign icon. You can apply for money when you get to the next page."
I never heard her talk like that. I was nearly as shocked as if she had told me a dirty joke full of clearly enunciated four-letter words. Scroll? Icon? Page? I was speechless.
"Surprised?" she said.
My mother surprises me often. She is well-read, listens addictively to radio talk shows, watches foreign and domestic news religiously, subscribes to several timely publications, scours the local daily newspapers, and converses avidly with friends and family about politics, current events, and health issues. Her discourse is backed by fact, propelled by tenacity, and delivered with the agility and surprise of the one-two punch. She always has something timely and informative, and usually surprising, to share.
But I didn't know she was learning to speak Computerese.
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Uprising at the Senior Center
Not too long thereafter, she called to tell me that no one at the senior center, neither seniors nor office staff, could find the solitaire game icon on any of the desktops. Upgrades were installed the night before, and now the icons were gone. (Yes, she channeled this information to me in perfect Computerese.)
One thing you must never do to seniors is take away their computer solitaire. My mother told me that an uprising was brewing in the computer room. She and her friends were at first perplexed, then frustrated, and now they were on the warpath to get the game restored. Apparently, office staff at the center didn't know how to do this, and the volunteer consultant who installed the upgrades was temporarily unavailable.
I asked her to get pen and paper to write down step-by-step instructions for finding the game and restoring its icon to the desktop.
"Do you know where the ‘Start' button is?" I said.
"Sure." she said. "It's in the status bar. When you left-click it, you get a menu."
Amazing.
It took only 10 minutes for her to write the instructions and read them back to me flawlessly.
That afternoon she brought the instructions to the senior center and handed them to one of the office staff. In a matter of minutes, every PC was fixed, the rebellion was over, and my mother was the heroine of the day.
Just in case you or a senior you know would like to start using computers...
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A PC-free Home
With her enquiring mind, adventuresome spirit, and tack-sharp wit, I thought she'd love having her own PC at home to surf the web, join up with the online community, and add to her impressive storehouse of knowledge. Several times in the last few years, I offered to install a new PC and work with her as much as she wanted or needed me to. But there was always an excuse.
The first excuse, before she had cable access, was, "I don't have a phone connection where I want the computer."
"No problem," I said. "I can fix that. Just tell me where you want another jack."
She met my suggestion with icy silence, stood up, started watering the house plants, and changed the subject to junk mail and how much she hates it.
The next excuse, after she had cable installed, was, "My house is already loaded with furniture. I have no place to put a PC stand."
Each time I brought the subject up, I heard another excuse.
Senior Independence
My mother has always been a little different. She learned early on how to make it in the world on her own. She guards her independence like a lioness her fresh kill. I see that her insistence on remaining PC-free while at the same time conversing fluently in Computerese is a clear sign of independence as well as another cherished difference to be added to her repertoire of unique traits.
On a Personal Note...
I would like to thank Blogger Mom for the kick in the butt her excellent hub Technology and the Senior Citizen gave me this morning. In writing my hub, I thought about the challenges Blogger Mom described, and immediately recognized that some of the excuses my mother makes are cover-ups for avoiding the real physical and emotional issues seniors can face when learning and using today's technologies. But, that's my mom! Brilliant, independent, unique, and stubborn. I wouldn't have her any other way.
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Please Neil, when you get it all figured out, let me be the first to know! :)
Hey, I heard that!
Thank you for sharing these stories and perceptions. They've made me and everyone in the office chuckle today. I like the idea of your mother as an interpreter/liason between seniors and the computer gods. The UN could put her to good use worldwide.
Love you, love your hubs!
Thank you so much annemaeve. I love the liaison aspect!
Thanks for the reference! =)
Great hub!
What an awesome tribute to your mother. Thank you for sharing. It sounds like she might know more about the computer than I do. lol Great HUB.
"Go to ‘ww' [not ‘www', mind you] dot xxxyyyyzzzz [I don't recall the company's URL] dot c-o-m [she didn't say ‘com', she spelled it out] " That's the cutest thing. Ha.
Blogger Mom, you are so welcome. Your hub was an inspiration.
Doghouse and Whitney, thanks so much for the comments. I'm glad you enjoyed this hub. My mother's really like that. I didn't lie once. ;)
Bravo! even though your bestest friend here heard this story first-hand, I have just finished reading it, and sat here in stitches! Your mom is priceless, but we've always known that :)
love u,
Patty
Great hub. You have a really nice way with words. Do you have to work to make it flow so easily or does it just come naturally? No, don't tell me, I'll just appreciate talent when I see it.
Thank you so much for your good words, which mean a great deal to me, because this style of writing didn't come easily. I've spent the majority of my career writing corporate and scientific communications--prose by prescription--which isn't nearly as difficult as trying to write in my own voice.
And I don't mind answering your question, because I think you and your readers can identify a little with the answer: Sometimes the words flow effortlessly; sometimes they are badly blocked and in need of a strong laxative. ;)
I love the reference, wink wink, and I do know what you mean. I have always thought it would be great to write a novel, but it is really hard work to write something people actually want to read. Ugh! I love your "voice" and will watch for your next hubs.
They are walking encyclopedia, we can't ignore their knowledge. Well done. Cheers.
cgull, my mother will be so pleased with your comment. Our seniors are fantastic repositories of information and wisdom that sometimes we don't tap into enough. So glad you enjoyed this hub.
Rhym, thanks again for your good words. And you are so right...writing something that people want to read is very hard work. You may surprise yourself one day soon. I think that novel is within your grasp and in your future.
May I ask how old your mother is? I myself will be 63 next month, which makes me a senior citizen. But perhaps she is older. I spend quite a bit of time writing on the computer and became a webmaster in the past 5 yrs. It's weird, but my kids really hate that I'm on the computer a lot. My feeling is that I can watch their kids at the same time. Which is what they are always wanting me to do.
My mother's answer to the question, "How old are you?" is, "Age is a number, and mine's unlisted!" Two years ago she was featured in a newspaper article because of her exceptional volunteer work with her senior center. When the reporter pressed the issue of her age, my mother said, "Why, I'm 100 now, and I fully expect to reach 200." She will not mind if I tell you that she is older than you, but she would shoot me if I told you by how much.
When does one become a senior? By some standards, you are a senior, although you are not yet 65. At some of my local restaurants, I qualify for senior meals, but when I license my dog every year with my county, I'm not old enough to qualify for their reduced senior rate. Then, there's the matter of how you perceive yourself...well, I guess that could be another hub, couldn't it?
Personally, I am incapable of multi-tasking. If I'm washing dishes, then I'm washing dishes. If I'm listening to the radio, then I'm listening to the radio. I'f I'm writing, then I'm writing. I would not be able to watch a child and be on the computer at the same time. Sounds like your kids wish you had more free time than you do!
Thanks for your comments, vrajavala. I sure did go on and on, didn't I?
Sally's Trove, this hub is a classic. You have given me a nice start to my day. Thank you. PC free house, good one your mum. When do we become a senior? Depends if I am getting on a bus or setting the sails on a 30 foot sailing sloop to take of on a sole sailing expedition in a blustery 28 knots of wind.
Thank you for your effort. I look forward to reading more of your work. I am a fan.
Mon.
Mon, thank you for your thoughtful comments.
As for seniors, my mother volunteers with her senior center to drive people around town if they need food shopping or a doctor's visit. I know for a fact that the seniors my mother helps are often 20 years her junior.
I am your fan, too.
A wonderful day in the life.... your mother sounds full of pizzazzz... i wish mine were still alive.... she was always a spitfire and would give me a ride around the block now...i'm sure.
She was blind 5 years before she died, had a top secret clearance with the government, and never was at a loss for words. Loved learning, hated not to know...
ahh memories...thanks for sharing!! Marisue
marisue, I know how lucky I am to still have my mother at my age. I'll bet your mom and mine would have a quite dicey and spicey conversation around anyone's table! Thank you so much for your comments.
Sounds like your Mom would make a great Hubber--her daughter certainly is:-) Thanks so much for this ST. My ex neighbor who is 90 and went into assisted living last year has learned how to use email thanks to a young volunteer at her facility. She is physically frail but mentally sharp as a tack and I love talking to her. At the moment she is passionately pro-Obama, drawing and sketching, and having a great time in her crossword puzzle club. I don't think she's discovered message boards yet but who kinowsLOL Thanks so much for this delightful hub.
Robie, I love to hear stories like the one you told about your neighbor. She must be a dynamite lady, like my mother. If the two of them should meet, however, I know they would be at odds, probably very heated ones, about political candidates. But wouldn't that be a great conversation to listen to?
When I first started hubbing, I told my mother I thought she'd enjoy writing and networking in this environment (I'm always looking for another angle to encourage her to let me set up a PC in her home). Shortly thereafter, I shared some of my hubs with her, on paper of course. After reading this one, she said, "I don't think I like that one about me." I said, "Why not, everyone else does!" She said, "It seems so personal, like you are confessing. I guess it's therapy for you. But I don't need any." Looks like she won't be accepting a PC any time soon!
So I agree with you. I think Mom would be a great hubber. I especially see her spending a lot of time in the forums. But for now, I guess I'll just have to keep writing about her here, sharing her amazing voice as best I can.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I very much admire your writings as well. :)
This is a great hub ROTFL with mental image of 40 something volunteer hidding in the cupboard while the "oldies" came rampaging - and I ve always thought it would be quite nice to do volunteer support in one of those SeniorNet places - maybe not as relaxing as I thought.
And I know what you mean its hard to write in your own voice when you have been to business speak for so long!
Lissie, I wouldn't want to be that volunteer. The seniors in my mom's set are truly some-bodies to be reckoned with!
And thanks for your thoughtful comment about voice. It's hard to progress to anywhere from a voice that drones, "In order to promote the enhancements developed by Software based on the findings of R&D, we now must embrace the spirit of change around our new parent company..."
YUK!
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent. :)
What a beautifully written hub. My Mom refuses to learn about the computer but my dad just recently had a session with my brother on how to use the email. LOL I admire your mom for her spunk and spirit and love how she can be a surprise. I too can sense your love for her. Thanks :)
Ripplemaker, you are so welcome! And thank you for your thoughtful remarks.
Good for your dad. Email is a great way to start, and so is computer solitaire. If your mom likes games and puzzles, she may find herself drawn to the computer one day.
Warm regards, ST.
Way to go Sally's mom! My 80-year-old mom surprised me the other day by complaining that she wanted to learn how to use the computer and that her grandson wasn't teaching her how! It's so wonderful when older people don't lose their natural curiosity about things.
Good for your mom, FP! It's so nice to know we both have mothers who are inquisitive and curious at this age...I think that's a good omen for what you and I will be doing at 80!
Thanks so much for sharing. :)
Sally, you did a wonderful job with this, and I think this style suits you well! I found it so funny..uprising at the senior citizen center! LOL!
My mother (71) is a PC/laptop addict. I don't know what she'd do without one, yet she still can't talk computerese. Go figure. ;)
Pam, one of the things I've learned about older people is that they use their strengths to great advantage in dealing with things that are new. My mother has a sharp, analytical mind, but no desire to apply it to fingers that may have difficulty typing on a keyboard.
Your mom, on the other hand, has no problem with dexterity (plus, she has a great curiosity, obviously), but the science or the language of the thing is not of the interest to her that it is to my mother.
I look forward to my old age, and hope that my kid will understand her mother's weaknesses and strengths. Thanks for a great comment.
Sally: As usual, a fine panting brightly filled with delicate brushstrokes. Your Mom sounds like a fine gal and she must the leader of the pack down at the center. No wonder. Cream always rises to the top, just as her daughter has done.
Another wonderful, insightful read. Thank you!
Chris, what a lovely comment. You made my day, and that's no lie! It's especially nice to see you here, since I haven't been making the rounds lately.
Mom is quite gregarious, loves people, especially children, and she has, when needed, a voice that will overpower a jackhammer. People listen to her for all those reasons. ;)
What a fantastic piece! You had me laughing all over the place. I'm sharing (especially with my friends that are very much like your mother). Glad you shared this. Going to check out this hubs inspiration. Wonderful writing. ~Naddy
Naddy, thank you so much for the wonderful words. It gives me great joy to know that I can tickle someone's funny bone.
What a wonderful hub Sally! Reminds me so much of my own mom who is going to be 80 next month. Up-to-date, fiercely independent, stubborn, speaks her mind, and yet is loved by everyone who comes in contact with her.
She's been using a cell phone for a few years now, and has complained to the service provider many times - even changed the service provider once - since the signal inside her thick stone walled home is rather weak! She can send and receive sms text messages, set the alarm and even store and retrieve numbers. About a month ago she was presented with a laptop by my sister, and she started playing solitaire and freecell on it and storing pictures. Just a week ago she asked for an internet connection and now has an email id, and is exchanging emails with her brothers, daughter and grandchildren!
She's been travelling abroad (and alone, after my father passed away) every alternate year - and is again getting all set to take a 15 hour direct flight to the US very soon!
I sometimes wonder what these timers are made of - so much stronger and fitter mentally and physically than what even we ourselves sometimes feel!
Jaspal, thank you so much for sharing this beautiful portrait of your mother. Aren't we blessed to have our mothers with us?
My hope is that when we reach their age, we are just as vibrant, curious, and adventurous (albeit, with the proper stubbornness intact!).
I think I can take a step beyond my hope, because "the nut doesn't fall far from the tree." I think our parents raised us well, so that our children will delight in us as we do in our parents.
Sally's Trove, I'm so glad I found this hub! :)
Your mother sounds like such a hoot! And I agree with some of the others comments that it is HubPages' loss that she does not want to join us!
I'm sharing this with my mom! She'll enjoy it. She is a senior who has embraced technology "as much as her tired brain can handle". She continues to learn and gets great enjoyment from her PC.
Duchess, I so enjoyed reading your comment. I keep telling Mom that she already has a fan base on HP, just waiting for her to start writing and posting in the forums, but not even that is enough for her to change her mind. Hats off to your mom for embracing this technology. I'll bet any money that there's nothing tired about her brain!
Nothing tired about her brain at all. But she feels she has earned the privilege of saying so!
Another beautifully written ST. Thank you so much for sharing. Unfortunately I have not been as successful with my parents who, inspite their many other accomplishments, stubbornly refuse to become part of the Computer revolution.
There is a lot to be said about that stubbornness, though, isn't there? When I hear my mother's stories about coming here from Poland in 1929 and being so poor that only the boys were given meat when there was any to go around, her rather stubborn--and feisty--nature had a lot to do with the good life she eventually made for herself and for me. Maybe stubbornness is a bit like the question about the glass being half empty or half full: stubbornness can work for or against.
As always, Sabu, thanks for your kind words and challenging thoughts.
This was precious! Good for you for helping your mom learn a little along the way, and good for you for being understanding about her hesitancy in some areas. God bless you for loving your mom so well!
My mother is a tough nut, sometimes not easy to give yourself over to. In a way, that's what makes her so powerful and in control of her life at a time when others may be tossing in the towel.
LOL. I've earned my angel's wings with her. I love her dearly, but she's a special challenge. It's taken me years of my adult life to realize and appreciate her special gifts, and each and every one of them is worth understanding and encouraging. But when she says, "I'm not doing it," or "You're doing it wrong!" she means it and that's when I step down.
Thank you so much, RTalloni, for your thoughtful and caring comment.
Sally, in my mother's last couple years after my father had died, we wanted to get her online with a computer. She was a news and information buff, and someone isolated during the winter months at the beach. She resisted, claiming that she would become totally obsessed with it!
I think we only understand the wisdom of our elders when we are getting to the point of being elder ourselves. There is so much wisdom in your mother's words. You wanted to do something special for your mother, with loving intent based on her love of being connected to news and information, but she knew herself better.
We tried, Dolores, but in the end, our mothers are teaching us about the importance of holding on to their own beliefs and feelings and capabilities. I think that's something to aspire to.
I can't wait to tell my kid that I don't want a beam-me-up experience, which may be possible in her lifetime. I'd rather read a good book, have a scotch or a tea, and remain rooted to my sofa.
Thanks for the awesome comment.
A very delightful read Sally--a relative of mine at 86 got her first computer and fell madly in love with emailing etc. Although she needed a little help with some issues, she embraced it all and her only complaint was needing a faster computer from time to time. She also started painting at 90 and my most prized painting is one she did of Bridal Falls at Yosemite. She realized what many gerontologists have recently discovered, that if you tackle something mentally challenging that you are afraid of, you live longer and are more cognizant. She was 97 and very alert when she passed.
Having said all that, I totally support your mother who is more active in her own way than many who depend on the computer. I think you might hold off on the beam-me-up rejection, however, it just might come in handy when it's your time to go. =:)
Winsome, what an awesome contribution to this discussion. There is so much to learn from our elders. Those of us at age 40 or 50 or 60 may think we are already too old for certain things, but your relative got wired in at 86 and started painting at 90.
My paternal grandmother, who lived to 103, worked crossword puzzles every day of her life until she died.
These folks are role models.
Thank you for your advice about the beam-me-up experience. I'll withhold judgment, for now. :)
I'm totally entranced with your mother. She & I share many traits, I think. I'd love to meet this woman! Although I'm ageless, I do tell my age - 78 (for a few more months)!
Nellianna, what a lovely comment. And insightful, too. Two traits I know you share are art and the energetic enjoyment of life.
You know what? I think my mother would enjoy you very much. I'll share your words with her.
Thank you, Sally - that would be lovely!!
Just found this - and what a clear description of your mother. You write so well that I can just hear her.
My Dad (this is Pat writing) is 92 and uses a computer for email and news He seldom watches TV as he says he would get hooked on it. When my mother died 12 years ago he went to his local library and found classes on how to use the internet.
The funny thing is, if I had suggested to him that he might like using the internet, he would probably have rejected the idea!
Of course when I get old, I am going to be a saint.
Pat, you've got the understanding and attitude that would make my mother love you. Yours is a message for all kids looking at their aging parents. Let the parents say what they want and need, and let them make their own decisions. The more we tell them what we think they should do, the more they shut us out. If we're attentive to their need for independence, they will come around to asking our advice, even though we must accept that that's a long road mined with booby traps.
I know I don't have to qualify with you things like Alzheimers or dimentia...we are talking about older people who are capable of making their own decisions, who eventually may come to an acceptance that we might have good information for them. It's up to us to listen and support, but not to take their decision-making away from them.
I say this with joy and warm feeling: we need to be looking at our parents with the same eyes we had for our children...let them be who they can be and step aside when it comes to our own thoughts of what we think might be better for them. This is a tough row to hoe.
I'm going to be a saint, too. :) I promised my daughter I'd never be quite this challenging.
Maybe your dad and my mom should meet. I think they have a lot in common.
proudgrandpa 4 years ago
Us old folks are just full of surprises, aren't we? Now I am beginning to understand all three generations of the women in your family.
NEIL